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October 1992 Archives

October 30, 1992

Happy Jewfest

Are the holidays over yet? I'm ner vous about asking--any minute, I fear, one of my more educated friends is going to tell me that Simhat Shwarma, the annual celebration of meat and meat by-products, begins at sundown tonight, or that I'm missing a service commemorating Hag HaNudnikim, in which we gather to remember all the people we've dropped as friends over the years.
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October 2, 1992

The Story Never Told

After much anticipation, the world will be happy to know that I have finally completed translating the three previously untranslated sections of the Dead Sea Scrolls assigned to me by the Israeli Antiquities Authority: "The Book of the Herring," "Judaism: For Lovers Only," and "Jesus of Nazareth: What's With This Guy, Anyway?" I have also finished translating several fragments of letters found in the Kumran caves that were sent to the Essenes and the Sadducees by their enemies, the Jets and the Sharks, along with several recipes written by Essene gourmands, including excerpts from their famous 1001 Ways To Cook Sand.
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