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December 1999 Archives

December 26, 1999

The Coolest Guy In All of Jersey

Steven Van Zandt, the original white boy funk soul brother, is dressed for lunch pretty much the way he always dresses, which is to say he looks like some kind of purple-paisley snakeskin hippie gypsy pirate. Little Steven thinks his mode of dress may cause problems today, because we will be dining in a Jersey City restaurant called Casa Dante, the sort of place that could hold meetings of the DeCavalcante Crime Family Alumni Association. And, as everybody knows, the mob doesn't much like freaks.

"We're in trouble here," Little Steven says.

"No, we're not," I say.

"I've been kicked out of a lot of places," Little Steven says, as we walk through the door.

This is a kind of acid test, because I'm trying to prove a particular theory of mine, which is that Little Steven is the coolest guy in the entire state of New Jersey.

"You're the coolest guy in the entire state of New Jersey," I say. "They're not going to kick you out."
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December 8, 1999

Wiener Whining at Super 8

It is a well-known fact that the Shopping Avenger keeps a special place in his heart for the downtrodden and the outcast, including, but not limited to, the poor, the indigent, the day traders, and the blind. When the Shopping Avenger sees the forces of rampant capitalism manhandling an unfortunate soul, he will fly to the rescue straightaway, unless he's busy leading anarchists into battle on the streets of Seattle, or napping.

But there is one group whose persecution will instantaneously get the Shopping Avenger into superhero mode, and that is: wiener dogs.
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