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February 2000 Archives

February 25, 2000

Superhero Showdown

When you're a superhero, no one ever cuts you a break.

The Shopping Avenger knew it was only a matter of time before some sort of Avenger manqué would try to seize the scepter of consumer advocacy for his own pathetic self. After all, given the fabulous success and worldwide renown (and healthy self-regard) of the Shopping Avenger, why wouldn't some cheap hustler follow him on the path of glory he has single-handedly hacked through the jungle of corporate malfeasance and customer dissatisfaction?

So now comes a publication calling itself Consumer Reports, a sad spectacle of faux-Shopping Avengerness. Consumer Reports is published by a group calling itself the "Consumers Union," which claims to have been founded in 1936. The Shopping Avenger laughs at this claim, because the Shopping Avenger knows that he himself is the originator of American consumer advocacy, back in 1999, or possibly 1998.
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February 6, 2000

Learning How To Be King

"The things is," says His Majesty Abdullah II, the 38-year-old king of Jordan and 43rd-generation direct descendant of the prophet Muhammad, "is that I've become a bit like Elvis."

People see him where he ain't, in other words.

"There are sightings all over the place," he says. Since ascending the Hashemite throne last February, Abdullah has made it a habit to inspect his kingdom in mufti. "The bureaucrats are terrified. It's great."

Today, Elvis is flying to Zarqa, outside of Amman, in one of the Royal Squadron Black Hawk helicopters--like his father, the late King Hussein, he is his own pilot. Once in Zarqa, he will execute a quick costume change and then pay surprise visits to the city's public hospital and to the local offices of the finance ministry.
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